Hey, Reader

I am a woman with lots of privilege. Just for the sake of clarity - I define privilege as both unearned advantages and the ability to ignore struggles that don’t directly affect me.

I am white, cis-gendered, straight, able-bodied, a mother in a nuclear family of four, well-educated, own a home, live in one of the wealthiest and most privileged countries in the world with free healthcare and access to education and a bunch of other things that I didn’t have to do anything for other than existing, exactly as I am.

I am also a woman who was raised in toxic patriarchy, both within my wider family system, in the Slovenian culture at large and also under the “good girl” prescription of the Catholic Church and its oppression (even though my parents didn’t subscribe to religion). It’s taken me 46 years (I’m turning 47 in a few weeks) to disentangle from the grip of it, move forward through fear and claim my voice. So, I can now be labelled a difficult woman, and I am happy to report from this side of the journey that I no longer care about people’s opinions of me. I consider all this culmination a strength - and an asset, which comes with a certain amount of responsibility.

Yesterday, I got sucked into the performative once-a-year posts on socials with the temporary outpour of acknowledgements, accolades and platitudes. So much of the content in my feed was centred on white women’s rights and gender fight without acknowledging all the women who are on the frontlines, risking their lives. This section comes with a trigger warning:

• Palestinian women birthing children with no hospitals in sight and burying their children’s remains in plastic bags
• Black women who have always had to bear the biggest burden and work that much harder for everything they achieved and have the highest impact on their health due to racism
• Iranian women dying trying to end strict hijab laws and discrimination against women
• Indigenous women on the frontlines of the climate fight, many of which disappear and are murdered daily
• Mexican women, victims of continuous femicide epidemic and sexual violence (46% were sexually assaulted)
• Sudanese women fleeing war, dying by suicides in order not to get raped and girls as young as 1 YEAR OLD getting raped by the armed men​
• ​Trans women who are in danger every day across the world and increasingly so also in the US
• Afghan women living under gender apartheid
• ​Disabled women, whom we seem to have forgotten almost altogether in mainstream discourse

And so much more…

These are the causes we should all care deeply about because the next wave of feminism needs to be intersectional if we’re going to make it. Kimberlé Crenshaw, an American law professor who coined the term in 1989, explained intersectional feminism as “a prism for seeing the way in which various forms of inequality often operate together and exacerbate each other.”

This means that people’s different social identities overlap, creating a kind of “compound effect” of discrimination.

So, I am sending this out today to say that this work will continue for the rest of our lives. It's a lot. It needs all of us, and especially the men. Because that’s where the origin of this discrimination is. If you’re a man reading this, please don’t give me the “Not all men.” We know, but also - MEN. Please use your privilege to challenge other men, advocate for feminist policies and resist discrimination wherever you see it with whatever you’ve got. Do it messy and imperfect. Do it scared. Just do it.

I wanted to share with you the three things that were instrumental in my examining my own white privilege and white feminism:

1. Healing my ancestral trauma and the witch wound (more about this another time)

2. Dismantling the good girl (the pleaser-perfectionist duo, which is what I coach my clients on A LOT)

3. Joining programs and communities where we deconstruct colonialism and racism, investigate our privileges and take action

Through the three things above, I've taken and continue to take specific steps to make sure I am not perpetuating the harm with my ignorance and complicity. In no particular order, here are some of the things I am doing in my little business:

• supporting women of racialised and ethnic minorities with scholarships or pro-bono coaching and leadership development
• actively speaking about this topic whenever it shows up in my circles
• reading books written by women with intersectional identities who have the lived experiences of the real challenges
• donating to causes fighting for intersectional feminist ideas
• actively dismantling my own white supremacy in anti-racist programs and groups
• decolonising my business through programs specifically designed for coaches
• putting my money in the hands of women with intersectional identities
• working actively with my women clients on expelling the ghost of patriarchy in their own lives
• speaking up with my authentic voice without filter (this email would be an example of it)
• teaching my kids about all of the above

In the spirit of it all, yesterday, I attended a beautiful event that my Danish-Palestinian friend, Stella Nisreen Kanaan, owner of Beauty Avenue and Naughty Alchemist, organised in her clinic. We heard her story and the story of her grandmother and parents, who were Palestinian Nakba refugees in 1948. We heard the story of Souha Al-Mersal, a Danish-Syrian-Palestinian journalist and writer and we listened to the magical voice of Lana Oudeh, who landed her beautiful voice to old Palestinian songs. Lana came to Sweden some years ago as a Syrian refugee. They all showed us that healing indeed happens in community.

Having said all this, I want to acknowledge that I opened my eyes rather late and am in a continuous learning process. So, I try to show up with humility, be willing to learn, be called in and called out, and not make the critique about myself.

The goal of intersectional feminism is to birth a new paradigm where all women are liberated from the shackles, ghosts and glass ceilings that keep us small. We want equal rights, equal opportunities, and justice for women who are harmed. We want to be free to be whoever we want to be, regardless of our identities.

What about you - what can you do to contribute to the cause?

In solidarity,

Martina ❤️‍🔥

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PS. I’m no longer filtering or masking my voice around things. I write without censoring. It means that things are spicy or pointy on occasion. If you’re not up for that, this would be a good time to let yourself out by clicking unsubscribe at the end of the email. I’m only just getting started with releasing what has been kept under the lid for years.

Curious poke What cause are you fighting for? What vision do you have for our shared future as women? What privileges do you have, and how are you using them? What steps could you be taking? What do you choose next?

I am a fellow creative leader, a certified Co-Active coach and a strategic designer. I bring 20 years of experience and expertise in digital innovation, experience design, leadership and education.

I help stressed creative team leaders reclaim their creative confidence and self-belief to shape cultures and work that matters (and have fun with it again). Together, we create new possible futures. ☀️

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