Hey beautiful human,

I felt like sharing something with you because it's been a real epiphany moment for me.

A little while ago, I felt held back by myself. There were things I wanted to write about and services I wanted to offer, and I just couldn't get myself to do it. I would go for walks in nature to understand what was holding me back and why it was so damn difficult to speak my truth, offer my services and - do the work I am here to do. I've tried to uncover what was at the heart of it for so long and wasn't really making much progress.

And then, one day, as I was sitting next to a lake, journaling, I asked myself:

• Where do I go from here?
• Where haven't I looked yet?
• Where am I being pointed to?

And, immediately, my fear showed up, so we had a little heart-to-heart. I've worked with my fear before but never given it a voice or a shape in this way. This is somewhat what I saw in my imagination as I was having the conversation.

Me: "Hey, fear!"

Fear: "Hellooooo...." (with a growling voice)

Me: "Why are you here?"

Fear: "Ahaha, why do you think?" (laughing out loud)

Me: "To intimidate me?"

Fear: "Ahaha, that is funny! I am you, my dear, so that would be intimidating yourself!"

Me: "What do you feed on to have such power?"

Fear: "Your indulgent emotions, dear! And, there is plenty!" (more laughter)

Me: "What do you want from me?" (irritated)

Fear: "I want you to wake the fuck up!" (growls in my face)

Me: "Wake up how?" (frustrated)

Fear: "Wake up to yourself!"

Me: "What do you mean?"

Fear (Whirls up a huge cloud of dark dust while snaking itself around me): "You are giving your power away, you, the eternal being from Beyond - so much bigger than "them" you fear so much! Wake up, wake up, wake up!!!"

Me: "I don't know how!"

Fear: "Use your power!"

Me: "And if I don't?"

Fear: "I will make your life a living hell! You will stay in the abyss of the Forgotten land, alone and abandoned!" (laughing almost hysterically)

Me: "But what about all of our relationships?"

Fear: "What about them?"

Me: "The people can support me."

Fear: "You think?" (sarcastically)

Me: "What do you want me to do then?"

Fear: "Show yourself!"

Me: "How?"

Fear: "Ask for what you want."

Me: "Will you then leave me alone?"

Fear: "Until next time."

Me: "Until next time, what?"

Fear: "Until next time you have forgotten all that you are and are here to do!"

Me (pausing for a long time): "OK then."

Fear: "OK then. Until next time, dragon tamer." (vanishes into thin air).

Me: sitting quietly, trying to digest what the hell just happened.

I'm still unsure and don't try to understand, but I can trust what I've heard. Sharing this dialogue is part of reclaiming my power from worrying about what people will think and speaking my truth anyway.

So, today's curious poke is an invitation to speak to your fear - see the questions below.

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“Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.”

– Les Brown

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I've learnt from all this that fear is on my side. And I'm curious about what we can conjure up in collaboration. So I'm excited to join my fellow regenerator Emily Lin during her monthly community exploration of regenerative practices, ​Regenerative Ripples​ , on November 28th online, where we will explore POWER as a topic. The events are open to anyone, so join us!

Until then - with the power of fear,

Martina 🐉
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Curious poke What if your fear's intention? How is it trying to be helpful? What is it calling you to now? What do you need to be accountable for for fear to "leave you alone"? What are you avoiding when it comes to your power? What will you do next?

Hi, I'm Martina. I coach creative leaders, change-makers and teams through defining transitions. My approach is relational and focused on growing vibrant, trusting cultures full of life. Our work together serves a systemic paradigm shift towards a regenerative, life-affirming worldview. ​ I am committed to anti-racism and decolonisation, and all my paid client work enables me to support impact leaders and communities of the global majority through scholarships or pro-bono work. ​ And as for me - I am wildly intuitive, ancestrally rooted and happiest in treetops. 🌳 ​

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